i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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