The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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