what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
