the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
