Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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