Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
