you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
