I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Randomize
