i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
