if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
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she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
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You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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