hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize