soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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