when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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