They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
