You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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