Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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