when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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