You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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