Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
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there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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