idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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