I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
