a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize