What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
