Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
