R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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