I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
