Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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