i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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