Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
