in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
