So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
