I wish I could punch you in the face.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
