it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
