I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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