It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
