R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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