If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
