nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
