Quick, to the slutcave!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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