i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
