I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
