What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
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She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
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Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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