so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
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