everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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