wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
