There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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