My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
