He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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