ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
