dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
