i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Is it because I queefed?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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