You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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