Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
