Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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