just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
