it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
