So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
