Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
