your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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