I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
