found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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