I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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