Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
