My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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