By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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