This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize