There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
