I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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