I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
