I think I just saw someone hide a body.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Is it penis luge time yet?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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